life update.. ya ya I know long time no post.. sry

so ya I really really haven't posted in a long time but I figured it wouldn't hurt.... so as of now I'm livening in Israel I made aliyah 10 months ago almost 11... Im going into the army bezrat hashem in December but for now all I know is that I'm starting in Michvay Elone (the army ulpan) for the first 3 months and that I wont know what I'm doing until after that.. I'm also working part time for an electrician although lately its been really slow... I'm going to try to start posting regularly again so if you are still keeping track then stay tuned
over and out
Pesach

life update

well im not sure if anybody is still reading this but i thought i would give an update on my life anyway. Im still in yeshivah down in florida but i dont know how much longer i will continue to be here i really dont like a couple of the rabbiem and b/c of this a have a very big lack of desire to continue learning (at least here) although i am trying my best. Its also becomeing increasingly hard to learn with all the other things i have to take care of such as all of my preperations for this summer and for the upcomeing year. anywho right now i plan on going to a machal hesder program through aish wich should be interesting. anyway i must go now as the jerk that runnes the computer useg is kicking me off now later
passover

SPEECH

Ive been doing a lot of thinking over the past few days some of it optional some of it i was kind of forced into. Ive been meaning to write this blog for a while but before I start I want to say that the thing that finally convinced me to write this was when I read the book "Tuesdays with Morrie" if you haven't read this book I highly recommend it. This was the first book that I have ever finished with tears coursing down my face. Anyways what I have been thinking so much about is the power of words weather written or spoken words have an unbelievable power. They have the power to make us laugh to make us cry to kill us and to heal us they have the power to move us. sometimes words are spoken and the damage is so great that there are no words in the world that can fix it. sometimes all it would take is a few choice words to turn a situation completely around from the bad to the good and vice versa but they never get spoken. why do words have so much power. Thers an old kids chant that goes "sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me" how childish of course words can hurt you. They can destroy a person! They can make a person wish for death! But we seem to live in a society that chooses to either be ignorant of this fact or to ignore it. A young man only a couple years older then me died a week or so ago by jumping off of a building. only moments before he had been talking to his father now not being there i don't know what was said but just think of the power words played or could have played in this all it might have taken was a few choice words on the fathers part either spoken or not spoken and we might have still have had this young man with us today. My friend runs a newspaper down here in Florida which is actually pretty popular and after much contemplation and hours of research and conversations with family members rabbies and suicide experts he decided to run the story. he did it b/c just like words, silence can also be deadly he did it b/c he felt that it was the right thing to do, that people should know about it so that maybe they would be more weary of the signs in there own friends and family's. And do you know what the out come was? Well a few people agreed with him but far far to many didn't understand what he was trying to do and wrote him nasty letters telling him what an evil person he must be. But like I said its just the times we live in people are so caught up in there own little world of what they decide must be right and wrong that they cant see the bigger picture. I started learning a sepher by the chofits chiam a couple weeks ago its made so that you can do a little piece each day. If anyone understood the power of words it was him. WORDS HURT PEOPLE, WORSE WORDS CAN KILL PEOPLE. BUT!! IF WE USE THEM RIGHT WORDS CAN HELP PEOPLE, SAVE PEOPLE, GIVE PEOPLE A REASON TO SMILE. so lets all try to be careful of what we say and may the words that come out of our mouths be words of healing, helping and happiness. Thank you for reading my little rant
Peace out
passover

leaving bmore

so I'm sitting in my brothers house in Baltimore using the comp and I'm sad that I'm leaving back to Florida i didn't realize how many people really cared about me until i came back. its such a blessing to know that i have people that care about me b/c i know some people don't even have that. I'm not looking forward to the hard work i have waiting for me in Florida but i am looking forward to getting it over with which i guess in the big picture is kind of the same thing. while i was back i ran into many of my class mates and Friends a lot of whom are either married or engaged. this got me thinking that if i want that for my self then i really have to buckle down and work hard so i can get to the point in my life were I'm ready for that. its not going to be an easy thing to do but I'm very motivated...

crying shoulder

we all need a shoulder to cry on sometimes the question is what do you do when your crying shoulder lives in a different country do you say screw it and spend money that you don't really have to go there. Or do you try to suck it up and just move on without the shoulder. this is what i will be contemplating over shabbot. insights are welcome.

RAINCLOUDS OF TOMORROW

so ya last night I couldn't sleep and I decided to take a crack at this whole song writing thing and hey it didn't come out so bad if I do say so my self I mean it is my first try. true its a bit on the depressing side but I channel some of my best stuff out of that emotion so I hope you will leave me some feed back thank you

RAINCLOUDS OF TOMORROW
I'm so tired yet tonight the sleep wont come
emotions mix together and make me feel so numb
you made me feel complete you made me feel whole
you gave me what i needed to up lift my soul
you showed me how to smile to make the raindrops go away
but now that tears drop from my eyes were are you to say...

"smile child laugh away your sorrows
close your eyes child and dream of better tomorrows
rainclouds don't stop coming yes my dear its true
but if you put your trust in god then the sun shines through"

I remember sitting in the park talking on into the night
I remember how you felt when i hugged you tight
I remember every hey, hello and goodbye
I remember every smile, laugh and sigh
I remember meeting you and the thoughts inside my head
I remember needing you and this is what you said...

"smile child laugh away your sorrows
close your eyes child and dream of better tomorrows
rainclouds don't stop coming yes my dear its true
but if you put your trust in god then the sun shines through"

I try so hard to forget and I try so hard to ignore
but its been a few lonely days and I only miss you more
all these memories swim around inside my head
your face haunts my dreams as I lie here in my bed
I wish I could go back to how it was the old way
one more time I just wish that I could hear you say...

"smile child laugh away your sorrows
close your eyes child and dream of better tomorrows
rainclouds don't stop coming yes my dear its true
but if you put your trust in god then the sun shines through"

I wonder if you dream of me in an agitated sleep
I wonder in your dreams of me if you ever weep
I wonder what the sun does behind clouds so dark and grey
and I wonder if you ever wish to hear me say...

"smile child laugh away your sorrows
close your eyes child and dream of better tomorrows
even if your fear has grown because your love is gone
you must be strong child because this life goes on"

Father

I wrote this today to help let my emotions out but I don't think I really let them out till i talked to my rebbi and ended up crying for a good 20 minuets. anyway here it is

Father
father in heaven ruling from above
take me to a place of comfort and love
hold me close for just a while
dry my tears and make me smile
hold my hand though this test
just like you've done through the rest
show me tomorrow because the tears blurr today
show me your plan and show me your way
give me the strength to just move on
because I cant lift my head and my will is gone
I made you a promise that hasn't been broken
and you made me yours with words unspoken
so guide me Abba hold my hand tight
help me do no wrong only right
because once again Abba its just me and you
in a world so barren of whats real and true
I'm scared Abba its a long road ahead
and there's so much more i need to say to add to whats been said